37 your amazon package is delayed, the uh scottish are coming

look, after we wrote this issue we realized like half of it has to do with the climate crisis, but don’t blame us - it’s called a crisis for a reason, okay? we promise, we won’t be as doom and gloom next week, apart from the usual warning to be on the lookout for halloween shenanigans. we’re like 94% sure it’s not a coincidence that our house gets egged every october 31st...

big idea: woe is me, supply chain issues abound

1. nearly two years into the nightmare that is COVID, supply chain issues continue to...plague us. there are shortages of everything from computer chips to glass bottles, delays in everything from christmas toys to school bus pickups, and not enough employees in industries from trucking to...well, unloading trucks. thank god none of our writing team say...works in logistics...and spends most of his time in a warehouse shipping goods…
2. anyways, we’re pointing out things you’ve probably already noticed because the problem is getting worse, not better. despite Joe announcing last week that a couple of the busiest ports in the US would begin running 24/7, the backlog of ships waiting to unload in california just set a historic record. more than 100 huge container ships are anchored off the coast of LA. LA’s port sees 40% of all our imports and 30% of all exports, and has seen shipping volumes increase by a quarter since last year.
3. so, just remember that when Costco is out of your favorite toilet paper, it’s probably stuck on some ship in the pacific, and you should probably start using a bidet anyways.

story to watch: the climate summit is almost here

1. a climate summit starts next week in glasgow, scotland, where the goal is to come up with a plan to make the world carbon neutral by 2050. this is the follow-up to the paris climate agreement, where countries agreed to limit warming to two degrees celsius. glasgow is viewed as where nations need to come up with solid plans to back up their promises made in paris.
2. the main showdown will be between developing and developed economies, with poorer nations asking for $100 billion to subsidize their shift away from fossil fuels. expect some of us rich people to don tophats and monocles and pretend that the third world should come up with the money on their own.
3. plenty of companies and NGOs are putting together press releases in preparation for the talks. australia has been ranked the worst rich country for the climate, Exxon is considering giving up on some oil projects, Amazon and Ikea are promising their shipping will be carbon neutral by 2040, and even the british Royal Mint is planning on recycling gold from cell phones into new coins. we knew we should’ve kept that old cracked Nokia 3310...

this week’s image: chamber of secrets commerce

• (The Guardian) protestors storm the chamber of commerce in DC to argue that big business is responsible for climate change denial and inaction. prominent dems are arguing they weren’t protesting, just...touring the building.

this week’s number: Uber & Lyft increase emissions by 20%

1. we all know Uber sucks, but turns out both Uber and Lyft suck when it comes to fuel consumption and greenhouse gas emissions. it turns out that ridesharing services - despite their public promises otherwise - increase emissions by about 20% compared to trips made in personally owned cars. 
2. so, to sum up all the things these companies lie about: they’re bad for the environment, actually increase car ownership, increase traffic jams, don’t result in good-paying jobs, don’t provide affordable fares, and can’t even turn a profit.

what we’re reading: “Dune”

1. we’re not lazy okay, we read the book “Dune” before watching its latest movie adaption. reader Z.A. went in-depth with his review in this week’s hottakes, but suffice it to say that this nearly 900 page book by our favorite college drop-out is the best-selling science fiction novel in history for a good reason.
2. an incredibly intricate story of a young man said to be a messiah in a galaxy controlled by complex familial dynasties, we were enthralled by the depth of even minor characters in this epic drama full of betrayal and power struggles. join us in our anti-lazy crusade, and read the book before watching the movie, you bum.

and, in case you missed it:

• during the torch lighting ceremony of beijing’s 2022 winter olympics, protestors were arrested for waving a tibetan flag and signs referencing hong kong and the uyghur genocide
• barbados is saying cheerio to the Queen, as it elects its first president #goodriddance
• and if we need any more proof that MSU is just a drunker, colder, less smart version of UMich, MSU is now asking professors to volunteer to staff its dining halls due to a student worker shortage

the weekly rundown is produced by Yunus, Faisal, and Ahmed. learn more about us and email us your comments and feedback!